There are a few things I would like to say...

I've been thinking about it a lot lately, and there are a few things about myself that I would like to say.

I use my age as an excuse.

I use it as a reason why I don't need/have a boyfriend. I use it as a reason why I don't have a job. Things that are reasonable, but, they are excuses. I am crazy about men forty and over and I tell myself again and again, like a mantra that it's ok not to have any affection returned to me. For various reasons.

And it is ok!

No, don't get me wrong. I don't lie. And when I say that I am ok with not having guys romantically interested or involved with me, I am ok with it. I don't cry myself to sleep over it.

But, still. I tell myself all these stupid things. When I'm in college, I'll get out of here and find one of my various dream guys and we can ride off into some cardboard-and-paint sunset that I already have all measured and cut in the back of my mind.

Sometimes, I just dread change. New people, new environments. But, only in some circumstances. It's really hard to explain. The change of New York City sidewalk under my feet is welcome, but, the change of a new place of work when I turn 16 where a new person will tell me what to do scares the shit out of me.

So, I use my age as an excuse to escape these things. I'm the youngest of four kids. I'm 15, now. Getting closer to those scary ages that don't let me weasel out of things.

I love myself.

I think I might be one of the only teens who heard every self confidence building tip, listened, basically ignored them, made my own self confidence building technique, used it, and actually likes them self.

I am overweight and I have acne and dandruff and no problem admitting that. Because, what the hell. What's the point in worrying about people staring at you when everyone gets stared at anyway? Good looking or not, there are going to be eyes on you. Through your whole life.

And, not to sound conceited (even though I am), I'm a funny, smart, pretty girl with good tastes. I don't see why some jerks who don't know the difference between their ass and their elbow should get to decide what I think of myself. My friends love me, my family loves me, and if anyone else wants in on my life, they will have to love me- not despite the fact that I am overweight or anything, but, because of it.

Maybe I'll lose weight. Maybe I'll get braces and whiten my teeth. Maybe my acne will be cured by creams and maybe my dandruff will be destroyed by shampoos.

But, for right now, I am this person in this body. And I love it.

Thanks for reading.