16/100 Blogs in 100 Days

I found an old journal last night.

It's from the winter of 2006.

I almost cried, reading about myself.

On Christmas, I was actually excited to see my dad. I was excited to see his reaction to a gift I bought him.

I can't remember ever being really excited to see my dad. We don't get along that well, he and I.

I remember that Christmas, though. I got him a crossword book. We did a crossword together. I didn't want to stay much longer after that. I remember staring off into space and wondering how many more hours it would last. He wanted us to sing a carol for my aunt.

I don't care much for her, either.

Other than Christmas, there was a lot in the journal about an old teacher I had a crush on and Hugh Laurie.

It must have been around the first time I watched The Baxter, too, because that is all up in there. It's a great movie, and I still love it to death, but, I was obsessed. All over the place are references to it and how I want to meet a Baxter and junk.

I was and am such a nerd.

It feels odd to look back on a time you don't always remember clearly. The memories are hazy, but, you can still recall most of them.

I can see myself opening that journal and scribbling in it furiously about love and life. As if I knew anything about it in 2006.

I talked a lot about a kid named Ian I used to know. Last time we talked, some time in 8th grade, he said he was bisexual. He's gay. I don't know if he has come out yet, but, he is. I might be more discrete about it if he weren't such an asshole.

When I was writing the journal, I was in love with him, though. I don't know why. Looking back, he really wasn't all that great.

I think I liked him so much because he was a city boy from Philly. I wanted to be a city girl so badly. I still do.

I should start keeping a handwritten journal again. Even though it can be heartbreaking, it's nice to have glimpses into who you used to be that aren't blurred by who you are now.