15/100 Blogs in 100 Days

I'm sick of finding reminders of her strewn around my day to day life.

I'm tired of having to remember the good and the bad and the warnings that she was bad for me that I ignored.

I wish I could just paint over that part of my life with paint and pens and make sure that she never showed up in the first place.

But, I can't. She's a part of my history now and I can't erase that.

At least I can say with honesty that I don't care about her anymore. I don't care enough to stay up with her until 4AM just because she wants to. I don't care enough to worry when she stops eating just so people will notice. I don't even care enough to fight with her anymore.

I thought that our "friendship" would last. I genuinely did. It seemed at the time like we had everything in common.

But, all we had in common was a need for attention. I needed it just as badly when I met her. I changed who I was. I told her I was insecure and unsure about everything, just like she told me the same thing. We cried together. But, mine were crocodile tears. I don't hate my body, I don't hate myself. And from now on, I won't say it out loud anymore. I'll leave that to her.

Because she is the one who needs to use people. She is the one who only really talks to people who are thousands of miles away.

One of these days, she might realize what really matters. Or she'll go through life sucking the life out of others.

I got out with some left in me, and now I'm actually living a life. I'm not the chalk outline of a human being I was when I was with her.

Now, I have friends who I really love to be with and talk to. Friends I have things in common with. Friends who make me laugh. Next time a "friend" starts making me feel like I have to be miserable, I'm dropping them before I waste three years on them.

I deserve better. So does everybody else.