Dreams

Have you ever had a dream and then woken up to find yourself devastated that it wasn't real?

I had a dream last night.

Some of the People I Love (who I have never met)

1. Zach Galifianakis


2. Danielle Ate The Sandwich



3. Joel Hodgson


4. Julia Nunes

Prom Night

I'm not sure what the point of prom is.

I never really had a beef with it until my sister started planning everything for her prom (which is tonight.)

I mean, what it basically consists of is 1)spending too much money on clothes, transportation, tickets, and the food, 2) worrying too much over whether or not you can get a date, and 3)parents not wanting kids to have sex or drink when most of them will anyway.

Why spend $200 on a dress or a tux that you will probably never wear again? Why buy heels if you just happen to be a girl who loves flats? Why force yourself into a costume (complete with a mask of make-up) for a night if it isn't Halloween?

I hate the idea of renting a limo for the night, too. You can't just drive in a car? Is that not classy enough? It's a high school dance! And why spend so much money on tickets? My sister had to pay for hers in installments. What, is she buying a car?

Don't even get me started on the date aspect. I know girls and guys who went the whole school year happy and single who wanted to tear themselves apart when they couldn't find a date for prom. If you don't have a boyfriend or girlfriend, why should you freak out about going to prom with someone on our arm? It's basically going to a dance with a stranger! Go with friends. What's wrong with that?

Kids, don't freak your parents out. Just go and have fun. You don't need to get drunk or high or lose your virginity. It's prom night. Do you really want to play into that? Do you really want to lose your virginity with that tacky dress and that hairstyle that you would never wear otherwise, with your fake nails and your make-up on about a billion times thicker than normal? Doesn't seem ideal.

I hope that there are girls who are going to prom for the fun of it instead of for all the wrong reasons. It's just a dance. So dance and forget the rest.

"Carla, get me some potato chips!"

I wonder how long it takes before the boys in high school who your parents tell you will get what's coming to them get what's coming to them.

I mean, how many times have you heard someone console you by saying "You know, they are only hurting themselves in the end." You smile and nod and agree or whatever, but, there's always that thought that maybe it just won't happen.

How many times have you seen the bad guy win?

Oh, well. It makes it hard to make it through the day with all of those negative voices in your ear unless you believe that they are going to realize how wrong they were in high school.

Either that or they will just end up in a run-down trailer, watching American Idol every week with a beer in one hand and their own nuts in the other, calling out to their ugly, overly made up wife named Carla to get them some potato chips.

Or my imagination is too overactive for my own good.

In The Mirror; Safety

I have been reading and avoiding work all weekend. I'm not sure how far these tactics will get me, but, oh well. Sorry, Momma llama. 

When I look in the mirror every morning, I think to myself I look fine. Then, I step outside the small door frame of that bathroom and it's just a slight shift. I still feel good, but, then I can feel the people I live with looking at me and I wonder what they are thinking.

In the car on the way to school, I feel safe again. All I can hear is the car moving and the sound of turning pages on whatever book it is I am reading. Sometimes, the driver and whoever is in the passenger seat make conversation; sometimes the person in the backseat with me hums along with the CD they are listening to. Safe. 

I jump out of the car and weave through the parking lot, making sure I don't get killed by a car. Less safe. I see kids walking with me. Kids I know, faces I recognize. I see them seeing me. The safety starts to fade. 

Some mornings, I wear a headband into school and take it off when people see me in it. Insecurity creeps in slowly and I can't explain why. I'm sure that no one looks at me in the headband and thinks nasty things or anything, but, I can't stop myself from taking it off and keeping it in my locker rather than wearing it. 

When I look at myself in the mirror in my bathroom, I feel safe. When I use other people's eyes as my mirror, I feel as if I am under attack. 

Also, randomly, I like this song:

Halls

Sometimes, when I am walking down the walls at school alone, I start to wonder who it is that actually cares about me.

It's not that I don't think that anyone cares. I know that people love me. I don't want anyone thinking that I am one of those foolish people who have friends and family, but, think that no one loves them.

I hum to myself or sing under my breath and pull my sleeves over my hands. I wonder who it is that would really want to walk with me. People I talk to all walk with other groups in the halls.

When it is spoken about, the consensus is that the place where cliques are illustrated best is in the cafeteria.

I respectfully disagree.

I think that cliques really come out in the halls. At lunch, tables are formed out of necessity and fear. Kids don't want to end up getting teased or taunted. They all just want to eat, so they find a group of people they can tolerate and talk to and they chew across from them.

In the halls, kids search each other out. They are like magnets, pulled to their friends lockers. They walk with each other, even if they are headed in opposite directions.

If you have no one to walk with you, a high school hallway can be a lonely place.

Memories

I like to keep my memories wrapped in plastic in the bottom drawer of the refrigerator, like fish from a get together that not everyone opted to touch. I can still see their ribs and their flesh through the clear envelope I wrapped them in each time I open the drawer, and I can even smell that fishy smell mingling with the plastic, but, I don't unwrap it until I want to remember.

I slap it on the counter and pull open the plastic ferociously, hungry to hear the sizzle of the fish on the pan. It's skeleton is soft between my fingers. I touch it and feel it under my skin, smiling as the memory floods back to me. The pan is hot on the stove, so I move the wrap to the side and slap the fish in the pan. Smoke rises and greets my nostrils like an old, forgotten friend.

I say hello and let everything mix together in my mind, my hands, and the pan.

Everywhere

Sometimes, when I like someone, I see them everywhere.

At the grocery store, I'll pass by the tortilla chips and see him wearing one of those dorky grocery store uniform shirts and pushing a cart of food to shelve.

At the mall, I'll browse the food court selection and see him standing behind the Dino's pizza counter and wonder why he's working with grease on his fingers and an apron on.

In the car, I'll stare at passing automobiles and see him driving every one, tapping the steering wheel to the beat of the radio.

At home, I see him sitting at the table while I sit in an armchair and type out my life for friends and strangers to read.

Bowling

I went bowling with my bestest friend today!

Well, technically it was me, my bestest friend, two other girls, and this guy I sort of know.

It was a fantastic nights. I bought me and my bestest friend and one of the other two girls rings that are all the same kind of ring. We called them our friendship rings. I am wearing mine right now.

I technically won bowling, but, we all sort of sucked. It was hilarious. None of us scored over 90.

Hanging out with them all was perfect. I'm so glad I went.

Baby Mama

Why am I so addicted to bad movies?

I love sitting around, drinking Wegmans brand soda with the laptop on my lap and watching movies with cute actors.

Greg Kinnear is ah-dorable. Ha ha.

No Security

When I leave the house, whether it be to go to school, to go to a friends house, or to go out, I always think about my clothes. I wear a jacket or a sweater, or I layer my shirts, I wear bracelets, I wear shoes that I like and I finagle my hair into something manageable.

When I get home, I take off the bracelets, and the jacket or the sweater, and the shoes and I let my hair go crazy insane. I do that because I am completely at ease around my family and in my house.

I want to find a person outside of my family that I can take off my bracelets and my jacket around.

I felt that way when I was in the play. I would strip of that jacket and throw it off the stage and goof off and dance around without feeling awkward and stupid at all, though I'm sure I looked like the epitome of both.

I haven't really felt that way outside of my house since the play. Wearing my tshirt for the play today reminded me of all of that.

I used to get changed in the chorus room. That's in front of the entire cast and a few parents. I was so comfortable in my own skin around those guys.

I miss it a lot.

I'm going bowling with a friend from the play on Saturday. That I am excited about. Maybe I'll take off my jacket. Maybe I won't wear one at all.

furreel

I'm not going on my class trip.

I am going to my chorus concert.

I might go to the Honors Society.

Blah.


I'm going to meet Joel Hodgson in June.

I am very excited about this.

I am going to see Elvis Costello live in concert for the second time in June.

I am also excited about this.


I am going to stop crying over stupid hurtful things.

I am going to keep on laughing over stupid comical things.

Active Initiation

Have you ever stopped to consider the fact that maybe I don't have a life and THAT is the reason that I blog a lot? Huh? HUH?

Ok, so, this is how it's going to go. I am going to paste a couple of links below to two other sites that I am active on and then maybe you will click them and be active on them with me.

http://juliabydulia.tumblr.com/
http://twitter.com/juliabydulia/

Now, I am going to suggest a few things:
1. Taking a walk when the weather isn't too hot or too cold.
2. Reading the book Looking for Alaska by one Mr. John Green.
3. Spending time with your family when you've got free time.
4. Being creative in new ways.
5. Spreading your love to everyone you can reach.

CHEESINESS INITIATED!

Seacrest out.

Good morning, John

I love John Green. And Bubbles the Nerdfighting Puppy. And Nerdfighters. And Nerdfighting. And--

Wait, you mean you don't know what a nerdfighter is?

Well, a nerdfighter is someone who, instead of being made up of blood and guts and stuff, is made out of awesome.

http://www.youtube.com/users/vlogbrothers/
http://www.nerdfighters.com/
http://sparksflyup.com/

Visit the links listed above for more information.

For those of you who are nerdfighters, you know exactly what I mean when I say DFTBA and best wishes!

PS. Click the picture to see the whole thing. Stupid blogger. Always cuttin' off mah pictures.

On my desk in triplicate!

I love and hate riddles with all of my heart.

Laughing out loud

Have you ever started laughing so hard at something that you just couldn't stop?

Lately, I've been having moments like that a lot. So many things keep on striking me as funny and I just can't hold back the laughter.

In gifted today, I accidentally called Vito David and just said "Why would I call you David?" He was on the computer, so without looking at me, he slipped into a really deep voice and just said "David's a cool guy. He has curly hair and wears tshirts."

I started laughing and I couldn't stop. It got to the point where my chest started hurting. He started laughing at the fact that I was laughing.

I loved it.

Also, yesterday, I was shown this video:



Every time I watch it, I can't help but laugh hysterically. The way the cat's arms move on the look on it's face... It's so good.

McGoohan Punch!

Have you ever watched Patrick McGoohan act?

I think I've mentioned his performance in Braveheart here before.

I love this man. He is by far one of the most talented actors of all time. All you need to do is watch one scene that features him to realize that he is spectacular.

And, just as an added bonus, he's easy on the eyes.

He died this year.

I was absolutely devastated when I heard. It broke my heart just to think about him not being alive.

Still, I'm glad he left behind a hell of a lot of fantastic acting.

Thanks, Mr. McGoohan.

The Big Clock

"Tear out that front page Johnny!"

I love sitting around on the couch with my mom and watching black and white movies on TCM. We always like to point out the classic old timey catch phrases.

"I need to get to Europe and I only have five months to get there!"

It's great to see how beautiful the people and the clothes were. I like to picture all of the actors showing up on the set in their sleek suits with their sleek hair slicked back and the actresses showing up with their hair curled in the magnificent way that seems just a tad too defiant of gravity.

My mom is currently rewinding the particularly fantastic shots as they show up. There was this great looking one of the camera following a waiter through a bar. I liked that one just as much as she did.

Besties 4 Life

Does it seem like I am desperate to be back in elementary school when I start to make friendship bracelets?

Oh, well. I guess I am kind of desperate to be back in elementary school.

I remember stealing composition paper to use for passing notes and writing stories. I remember skipping silent reading at the end of the day to make random art projects in the art room with the cute art teacher. I remember the drama that was so third grade and the girls who loved to add gas to the fire. I remember most of my teachers (especially the ones who have forgotten me). I remember the playground, where kids would fight for a spot on the swing set.

So, I guess I am a little bit sick of high school. But what kid hasn't felt that way every once in a while?

I'll just go back to making my silly little friendship bracelets and hoping that my friends don't laugh at me when I give them to everyone tomorrow at school.

YouTube

I am fascinated by YouTube.

Think about it. To quote my darling mother: it's like a science fiction film.

A community of people from all different continents, mingling and talking about their day-to-day life, what they ate for breakfast, what they want to do with their lives, posting themselves singing or playing guitar or showcasing other skills.

If you're not immersed completely into YouTube, you might not get the feeling I get when I log on, but, the principle still applies.

I subscribe to a lot of different people on YouTube. It's amazing what a variety of people you can find. You can start on a squirrel on water skis and end up navigating your way into a video of a 28-year-old man celebrating with slap bracelets. From there, there are songwriters and pop culturists and gamers and politicians.

Oh, Wheezy Waiter (http://www.wheezywaiter.com/). You and your slap bracelets.