In My Dreams

Last night was no good. Moving on.

I had a dream last night about John Green where he was wearing this really cool dress shirt/vest/tie combo and he was at my school. I was running around, looking for something (like I always seem to be in dreams) when I saw him in the hallway. I ran up to him and hugged him and I was like. "I met you in Lancaster! And I wrote you an email! My name is Julia!" And he actually remembered me and smiled at me. He was like, "Wow, thanks Julia."

Then, I had to keep on running because whatever I was looking for was apparently more important than my biggest hero not only remembering who I was but being genuinely pleased to see me.

It was a great dream moment for me. It was also my fourth ever dream about John Green.

It's stupid.

This seems so trivial, and I know there are a billion reasons to explain it away, but, there is a trend on tumlbr going around where you can post a link to your formspring and people post things to/about you anonymously.

Everyone who I follow keeps on getting all of these nice things and questions and they keep on saying how moved they are by all of it an everything.

So far, I have gotten three submissions and it's starting to make me sad. None of them are even about me personally, they are more like confessions. I don't understand why no one has anything to say to me. Apparently, no one on tumblr has any opinion about me or anything they want to know about me.

It's a stupid things to get upset about, but, every time I see someone I follow on tumblr responding to things from their formspring, I get sad.

It's stupid.

I know this seems like a pointless post, but, trust me because it means a lot to me.

As I am starting this, it is 4:39AM.

I just finished watching WALL-E like ten minutes ago.

I cried.

I should really go to bed earlier, but, I just couldn't help myself.

I love movies.

My Daily YouTube Ritual

Along with spending all day on my tumblr (I know, I am a total tumblr pimp) I also spend a lot of time listening to songs and watching videos on YouTube.

I have certain ones that I watch every day. Most times more than once a day. I am making a Top 10 List of the ones I watch/love the most. (Starting with 10- the least- and making my way to 1- the most.)

10. Driftless Pony Club - Pluto vs. Neptune (Live)
Genre: Music

Freaturing The Wheezy Waiter, who I love, on vocals and guitar. (The one with the sweet beard to the right.)

9. Sandboxes - Danielle Ate The Sandwich
Genre: Music

She is such an inspirtation, and this song is great. I love it when she plays guitar.

8. Awesometown - Chip
Genre: Comedy

This is hilarious. I love these boys.

7. Next To Normal - Superboy and The Invisible Girl
Genre: Music

I am so obsessed with this musical.

6. Who's Gonna Save My Soul - Gnarls Barkley
Genre: Music

The genre is music, but, I also have this for watching value because of a Mr. Taccone!

5. Coconut Records - Microphone
Genre: Music & Cuteness

Jason Schwartzman and an amazing song. Cuteness and music.

4. Ka-Blamo! - The Lonely Island
Genre: Comedy & Music

Did I mention that these dudes rock my world? You're water is watery...That's ka-blamo!

3. Next To Normal - You Don't Know
Genre: Music


2. News Getters - Starring Akiva
Genre: Hilariousness & Silly

Akiva is my faaaaaaavorite. And now I'm sure you can see why.

1. Awesometown - 21 Questions
Genre: Comedy

Otherwise know as: I couldn't pick a number 1 so I just stuck this in there 'cause I love it so much.

Congratulations: You just got a breif glimpse into the non-existent life of a fourteen year old girl who loves The Lonely Island and Broadway!

Unexpectedly Profound

Have you ever felt something profound for someone unexpectedly?

It can get hard to be consumed by something that you're never felt and can't explain, but, what if it happens constantly? Do you think you can adjust to the profoundness of the feelings in your heart, throughout your soul?

Finding methods of coping all depends on the situation, who you are, and what you're feeling.

If there is something beautiful and brilliant and profound, is there a way to stop it from punching you in the gut and stealing all of the breath out of your lungs again and again and again?

I'm just curious.

Things I Liked About Today

1. Wearing my friendship ring while playing guitar on Rock Band.
2. Eating ice cream in honor of my sister turning 19.
3. Not feeling fat despite being fat.
4. Being very honest with myself and not having to be honest out loud.

Today was not the best day ever. There are certainly things about it that I detest. But, those four things were good and I am not about to deny it.

I'm a bad seed.

I feel tired. Every piece of me is heavy and I am simply exhausted.

Still, I feel good too. I am torn two ways. The first way is kind of sucky and the second way is liberating. Some moments, I feel fat and odd and unworthy of a lot of things. Then others, I just feel free of everything- my body and my life- and I am just a brain and a heart.

I like being so free of everything, but, once I come back I am swallowed by my body and I remember why none of my daydreams will ever come true. My stomach.

There are boys that run around in my mind. I like them in suits. I like them in jeans. I like them quiet or loud. Funny and lovable. I like to be obsessed with boys and to devote myself to them until the next one comes along.

It doesn't hurt anyone, either. Because all they are is pixels and ink. They might as well be imaginary.

The real ones haven't made that sort of impression on me. Not yet.

I'm still waiting to see which real life boy will steal my heart and never return it. It's going to be interesting when it happens, that much is for sure. I hope it doesn't hurt too bad.

Last night,

Last night, I was keeping track of the time, but, not connecting times with the thought "Wow, that's pretty late, I should go to bed."

You know I was watching The Office, but, what you may not know is that I was trying to watch all three seasons in order. Every episode.

And last night (or this morning, I guess), at 5:37AM, I completed that goal.

Then, I proceeded to collapse on my bed and sleep until noon today.

But, before it was finished, I think it was beautiful. I was alone in the living room. It was light, then it was dark, then darker, then light again. There were still shadows, but, I could see green leaves out the window.

I could see the world was waking up while I was getting ready to pass out.

Today will probably consist of catching up on sleep and catching up on my tumblr. Good morning, good afternoon, good evening, and good night, internet.

Kiri

With the 'best friend' I used to have, I really feel and felt like I was always just superior.

I would listen to her sing and know I could do better. I would read her writing and know that I was better. We were in 2 plays together, and I knew that I was putting a better foot forward.

It got tiring, having to encourage her and convince her she was good when I never actually believed it.

We stopped talking, and I was relieved (not just for this reason, but, for a variety of reasons.) It took a while to cut the tie, but, now it is and I am so much happier for it.

This year, I met a girl. Her name is Kiri. Kiri (I hope she doesn't mind my saying) is my best friend.

It definitely is not tiring, being friends with her. I feel like we have a balance of talent and enthusiasm that blends well together.

She is a much better singer than I am, and I love her for it. I love to listen to her sing and be able to just sit back and say 'Yes, she is better than me. And I love to hear that superiority.'

She tells me I am a great writer, and while I love to read what she writes, I still think I am a better writer. I'm glad for the fact that she likes to read what I write, and that she actually does read all of it.

When we are on the stage, we both go all out.

I love us as a friendship. I've never been so glad for a friendship ending, because without Amanda and I quitting, I may have never gotten close with Kiri. And I love her a lot.

The Dundies

I am watching The Office. I finished season one a few minutes ago, so now I am onto the first episode of season two: The Dundies!

Certain parts of these episodes just make me explode with laughter. Mostly things that Jim or Pam say and do.

I love me some PB & J.

Summer Tuesday

I stayed up until 2AM last night.

I haven't stayed up past midnight in a while. It felt good.

I was sitting on a chair on the laptop/writing in one of my journals while my brother and his friend sat on the couch opposite my chair and played Playstation 3.

I felt at ease. It was really nice.

Today, I woke up at ten o'clock. I haven't slept in past nine in a while. It felt good, so, I went back to sleep and stayed in bed until eleven.

Now, I am wearing my Cinematic Titanic tshirt and eating a brownie cake for breakfast.

Summer tastes sweet.

Cinematic Titanic

I was born in the year 1994. Keeping that in mind: according to a reliable source (IMDb) Mystery Science Theater 3000 ran from the year 1988-1999. This means I was around five years old when it went off the air. Hardly old enough to have had the time to watch or enjoy the show.

Luckily for me, I have a mom who was out of diapers, watching, and enjoying the show for me at the time. She raised me on brilliant music, brilliant TV shows, and brilliant movies my whole life.

When Cinematic Titanic came out recently, I knew Joel, Frank, and Trace from MST3k. We bought the DVDs and my mom, my brother, and I each had our own geeky little meltdowns while watching something new from five of the funniest people we know.

Well, we've watched every Cinematic Titanic DVD that has been released with nerdy joy. And we found out that they were taking the show on a live tour. Needless to say, my mom had yet another meltdown and we bought tickets.

On Saturday, we went to see them in Philly.

The gig was sold out. The line to get in ran all the way around the block.

The theater was very cool. We sat in balcony seats on what were essentially red cushioned bleachers. I sat next to my mom. We were both shaking with nerves and excitement while we waited for someone-anyone-to come on stage.

Our prayers were answered when Gruber (as pictured to the left) came onstage and saved us! He warmed us up with some haikus and some stand-up, along with music from J. Elvis and TV's Frank!

Finally, after an eternity of 10 minute warnings, Joel came onstage, sharply dressed in a suit and tie, with his microphone and introduced all of the Titans and the movie itself.

"This movie features probably the worst movie monster of all time. And I've seen some bad movie monsters."

We all cheered our hearts out as Mary Jo, Trace, Frank, Josh, and Joel all took their places and the countdown to the movie began.

The jokes were brilliant, of course. I wasn't expecting any less. They all had incredible timing. They were making the audience and each other laugh. I watched Joel drink his pop and all of them turn the pages of their scripts as the movie went on.

It was an incredible experience that I am so glad I got to share with my mom.

After the movie (and the Best Of reel) were through, we bought tshirts and got in line to meet the Titans.

My mom and I were still shaking as the line moved slowly (almost everyone who had attended was sticking around.)

At one point, we noticed Gruber working through the line and saying hello to everyone. He approached us and said hello to each of us individually, then started up a conversation with my mom. "You do a great job leading them in," she told him, and all of us smiled. (On the CT DVDs, Gruber leads them into the theater and introduces the movie.)

He was very gracious and said thank you. "You recognized me, huh? I think it was Joel's idea...You know, I've had my hair long for quite some time. He rigged up the ponytail with som cardboard." And all of us laughed.

He pulled out a small card that had the Cinematic Titanic logo on it with all of their sillohuettes. He drew himself with blue sharpie and signed it "Hey, from Gruber," then left us to wait in line again.

We were the last people in line, and as we got closer to the Titan's table, we notcied Trace was heading through the line and signing things for the people who were still waiting. He signed my DVD and my brother got a picture of him with his phone.

















J. Elvis was first at the table. He signed my DVD and shook my hand. Then, Mary Jo. She signed my DVD and then paused, just looking at the disc itself that my mom had labeled 'Santa Claus Conquers The Martians.' "Have you been borrowing?" Mary Jo asked. My throat was dry, and I found I couldn't speak, but, I heard my mom answer from behind me. Frank was the last one sitting and he signed as well and shook my hand.

Last but not least, Joel was standing at the end of the table. He signed everything we had, shook all of our hands and said hello, then let us all gather around for a nice picture (which is yet to be uploaded to the computer).














In this picture, he is actually poking John's stomach as an alternative to standing awkwardly and waiting for a handshake.

Thinking about Saturday still makes me giddy.

In short: Best. Night. Ever.

I gotta feeling that tonight's gonna be a good night.

Things today is:
---the last day of school
---my sister's graduation
---baffling
---a very good time

I'm still sort of surprised by the fact that school is over. It feels like I'll have to go back on Monday anyway. I'm not sure why. People keep on saying "Yes! School is over!" and I just sort of stare at them blankly. It's strange.

School got out at ten o'clock exactly. I spent all of my time at school wandering around or talking to friends in "classes." It was mostly just boring, but, I'm glad I went anyway. I got to see everyone.

After school, I went out with friends to swim. Pools aren't really open so we went down to the ol' swimming hole. It was me, five other girls, and a guy. On the way away from school, I drove in the car with Kiri and Emily. While we were driving, we listened to "I Gotta Feeling" by The Black Eyed Peas. Something about driving with that song playing and the wind whipping my hair in my face made me feel liberated.

So, the school year is over. I'll miss some people who I won't get to see every day, but, I'm going to talk to all the people who I want to.

I hope this summer is as amazing as I expect.

ELVIS COSTELLO: OMG I LOVE YOU EDITION

On Tuesday, June 9, I, Julia Metzgar, experienced one of the best concerts ever performed and the best one I have ever attended.

It was Elvis Costello.

The theater was just beautiful. In the middle of the ceiling was a huge, sparkling chandelier that was hanging from a circular portion of the ceiling that was painted to look like a blue, cloudy sky. Before the concert started, I stared at it and was almost convinced it was a window.

When he came onstage, he was wearing a great purple hat and a very stylish pink tie. I love all of his outfits, and I was very excited to see what he would wear. He was sweating like a whore in church through the whole concert, but, he does look great in a suit.

I am going to name a few songs that you may or may not know. If you don't know Elvis, I suggest very highly that you get to know him. He is probably my favorite recording artist ever.

He opened with a song I love called "My Resistance is Low." He did a great job. He and his band, The Sugarcanes. (His new album is called "Secret, Profane and Sugarcane".)

Some of the more noteable songs that he performed were a "Delivery Man" and a bluegrass version of "Everyday I Write The Book" that I loved. There was also a song off of the new album that I love called "Sulfur to Sugarcane." At the end, there are notes that he really sings and holds. When he sang them, I just couldn't stop smiling. He is a spectacular performer.

Though there were some foolish (and drunk) audience members-- screaming out things like "ROCK N' ROLL!" when it was a bluegrass/country concert, and "WE LOVE YOU, ELVIS!" to which Elvis responded "We love you, too. Both individually and as a group." -- the concert went fairly smoothly. He came back for a full half hour of encores, if that gives you any idea.

After, we waited around back to see if he would come out and talk to anyone. He did, and it was great. John (my brother) got an autograph, just as I did the first time I saw an Elvis Costello concert. I didn't get to talk to Elvis, but, seeing him made me equally happy.

The setlist can be found at the bottom of this review.

Spectacle

I'm going to see Elvis Costello live in concert tonight. I'm getting really excited. This will be my third time seeing him, counting when he opened for The Police and I went.

Seeing him is always a thrill, live or not. He's a real spectacle. (There's a reference for fans of his talk show on Sundance.)

I'm not in school right now, and I won't be tomorrow either. I'm really going to miss my friends after school is over. I only get one more full day with them.

Hopefully they miss me, too.

Whoomp.

That about sums it up.

Yep.

Procrastinate Delay

The school year ends on Friday.

I am not going to school tomorrow or Wednesday.

It's a weird feeling. I'm torn between elation at the thought of not having any more work to do or school-related stress to deal with and sadness at the thought of not having my friends to talk to on a daily basis.

I'm writing things for all of my closer friends. Hopefully I finish everything before Friday and they can all have the things I write them.

I'm going to try to get a lot of writing done today. Specifically, I am going to try not to get distracted by Andy Samberg, Akiva Schaffer, and Jorma Taccone. God, I love them. Boys have got a hold on me. Especially the funny ones.

Movie Tiem

This weekend, I saw two hilarious movies.

One with my family, and one with Kiri (Like Woah.)

Like woah, indeed, Kiri's name. LIKE WOAH, INDEED.

The Hangover and Land of The Lost.

Both fil-ums were heartfelt, playful romps.

Ok, maybe not.

But, they were both hilarious.

http://www.nataliedee.com/

Paul Simon - Graceland

The Mississippi Delta was shining
like a National guitar.
I am following the river
down the highway
through the cradle of the civil war.

I'm going to Graceland
Graceland
in Memphis Tennessee
I'm going to Graceland.

Poor boys and Pilgrims with families
and we are going to Graceland.
My traveling companion is nine years old
he is the child of my first marriage,
but I've reason to believe
we both will be received
in Graceland.

She comes back to tell me she's gone.
As if I didn't know that,
as if I didn't know my own bed,
as if I'd never noticed
the way she brushed her hair from her forehead.
And she said losing love
is like a window in your heart:
Everybody sees you're blown apart,
everybody sees the wind blow.

I'm going to Graceland,
Memphis Tennessee.
I'm going to Graceland,
Poor boys and Pilgrims with families
and we are going to Graceland.

And my traveling companions
are ghosts and empty sockets;
I'm looking at ghosts and empties,
but I've reason to believe
we all will be received
in Graceland.

There is a girl in New York City
who calls herself the human trampoline;
And sometimes when I'm falling flying
or tumbling in turmoil I say
'Whoa so this is what she means.'
She means we're bouncing into Graceland.
And I see losing love
is like a window in your heart:
Everybody sees you're blown apart,
everybody feels the wind blow.

In Graceland Graceland,
I'm going to Graceland.
For reasons I cannot explain
there's some part of me wants to see
Graceland.
And I may be obliged to defend
every love every ending
or maybe there's no obligations now.
Maybe I've a reason to believe
we all will be received
in Graceland.

(Pause)

Woah in Graceland Graceland Graceland
I'm going to Graceland

Top 10 Things About Saturday

(in no particular order)

10. Getting to sleep in two extra hours instead of having to set my alarm for 6 AM.

9. Volunteering at a quiet, air conditioned library where the ladies who work there remember my name and are nice enough.

8. Listening to the Oingo Boingo mix that Vito made me and making mixes for him and other friends.

7. Writing short stories for new and old friends.

6. Sitting at Barnes & Nobles, feeling trendy with my notebook a small pile of novels pulled from the shelves.

5. Talking/playing PS3 with my brother.

4. Driving past Hillside and seeing a woman sitting alone on the grass with an ice cream cone and having a good laugh about it.

3. Talking to my good friend in California about coffee shop snobs and deaf guys at the mall.

2. Feeling more excited by the minute about The Hangover later tonight.

1. Getting txts from one of my best friends reminding me that we are going to see Land of the Lost on Sunday.

Happy happy

Have you ever just had a moment when you were just alone with yourself and you stopped and it just dawned on you

...

'I'm happy.'

And not just in a good mood happy. Happy happy. With your life. Content with everything.

And then you know that it's bound screw up soon.

Not My Slave - Oingo Boingo

A small piece of my new favorite effing song:

"With sand in my heart and clouds in my head
I thought about us both and the lives we’ve led.
From pages in a book and pictures on a screen
We shape ourselves like clay from someone else’s dream.
One second you are cast just like stones at my feet
But I am not a king please don’t worship me.
With everyone around telling us what to do
With deafening sound whisper “I love you.”

You’re missing the whole point— you’re not my little pet
Don’t throw away your life— The game’s not over yet
I do not own your soul—don’t want you in a cage
I only want your heart to find that special place

You’re mine now But you’re not my sister
You’re mine now But you’re not my slave
You’re mine now But you’re not my child"

Vito put it on the latest Oingo Boingo mix that he made me. He told me in school that he could just hear me singing it and that he knew I would love it. When I told him he was right and that I did love it, he told me to learn it by the end of the school year so he could hear me sing it.

I am so glad we are friends.

Disgusting Lie

I'm sure of who I believe and I am sure of whose side I am on, but, I just wish it wasn't happening at all.

He is one of my very best friends. I love him.

She is one of my least favorite people, but, I do not hate her.

I just want the lies to all stop and I want to bring it all to an end. It doesn't so anybody any good to have something like this said. Especially when it isn't the truth. That just makes it worse.

It's a disgusting lie to tell, and it should stop now.

I just wish I knew how to stop it.

Lunch With Julia

I don't get to sit down as soon as I reach the cafeteria. He may set his lunch box down and sit (instant relaxation) but I have to walk through the room, feeling like every table is looking at me, and wishing some of them actually would.

The line can sometimes be hectic, but, not all the time. I like listening to the people all talking and buzzing with that stupid excitement of thirty minutes away from education.

At the table, there are four of us, officially. Across from me, she sits and smiles at everything I say. She never has a mean thing to say. Most days, I find comfort in her warmth. It's sweet.

Next to me, he always has a reason to complain, or mope. I can never say the right things to please him. I know he thinks I'm not good enough for him, and every time he said that he loved me was a lie because since our cleansing of dishonesty, he hasn't uttered those three words.

Diagonally to the left. I love him the most. He is quiet, except when there is a joke to be made. He is nervous and shy about the things he should be proud of. He can make me happy and he can make me sad. I'm so glad we are talking again, after so long.

The table to the left is all of the people I wish hadn't come. It had been the four of us all year, and then they invaded, bringing their friends with them. Like mold, they spread. Now she sits there and makes me nervous when I notice her. Those sad, sad eyes.

The table in front of us is all of the people I wish I could eavesdrop on. The four boys, mainly. I watch them smile and laugh at each other with red-faced joy.

It has occurred to me that these people are all the refuge I take for those thirty minutes. I watch and observe them and I take these notes in my mind, saving them and logging them all so that I can always remember these people. Even the ones who may not want me remembering.

Three Letters

This is three part a letter I am writing to three different people. I'm not sure if everyone will understand it, but, I've got a weight on my chest that I want to alleviate.

PART I

I never thought that I understood you. I never claimed to, and now I probably never will. There is an age difference between us that I know is neither of our faults. But, I tried talking to you. I thought you were funny and talented. I liked listening to you and watching you. And after all of the following I did, you finally started looking at me and talking to me. It made me feel amazing.

I keep on trying to tell myself again and again and again that you were confused when you responded to me that afternoon. All I asked was 'How are you?' We had been over it over and over, but, you still wrote back and told me to stop. You cut my voice into pieces. I guess I've stopped now. I hope you're happy. And I mean it. I hope you're very happy now that you took that part of my voice away. I'll use the rest of it to talk to all of the other people who matter to me and who really care, rather than you, who I threw my words away on.

PART II

I've been thinking about you a lot. What a surprise, right? In the car on the way to school, I think about you like I used to. When will I get to talk to you? What will I talk to you about? I prepare the words and line them up in single file in my mind, that way they won't run out at the vital time.

I was just thinking about you today, actually. Thinking about how I always forgive you, even for the things that I maybe shouldn't. I forgive you for the things that no one else would. People tell me stories that I never want to hear, but, after they are spoken, I can't erase them from my memory. For a few days, they linger in my mind when we talk, but, then I forget. It's easy to forget when you make me laugh and when you talk about music and when you scroll across those pages on the net.

I'm going to keep on forgiving you. Probably for the next three years. We'll see how it goes for both of us, and I hope I'm on the right side.

PART III

I'm worried now that I might have worn out my welcome into your life a bit too soon. What if you are tired of me already? I feel uneasy just thinking about it. I know that I come on strong and it has happened before that people just can't stick around longer than those first few weeks.

What if you are tired of me already?

I always mean what I say...except when I don't...but, I mean it when I say to you (albeit anonymous on your part, though, if you are reading this you might know this is to you) that I love you and that I admire you and that when I am a junior, I hope I can be like you and make the decisions you can make.