Glass Houses

Picture a house.

The house is placed at the top of a hill, away from the rest of the homes in the area. The wall facing out is mostly glass, a lot of windows that frame a beautiful view of the outside world.

You live in this house.

In the world, there are two kinds of people. (I love this sort of metaphor.) One kind of person might not be able to live in a house like this. They would feel like the whole world was looking in on them, watching. Another kind of person would feel relaxed and at home, enjoying the view.

Two kinds of people, plain and simple.

Which kind of person are you, anonymous reader/friends who read my blog?

There are a few things I would like to say...

I've been thinking about it a lot lately, and there are a few things about myself that I would like to say.

I use my age as an excuse.

I use it as a reason why I don't need/have a boyfriend. I use it as a reason why I don't have a job. Things that are reasonable, but, they are excuses. I am crazy about men forty and over and I tell myself again and again, like a mantra that it's ok not to have any affection returned to me. For various reasons.

And it is ok!

No, don't get me wrong. I don't lie. And when I say that I am ok with not having guys romantically interested or involved with me, I am ok with it. I don't cry myself to sleep over it.

But, still. I tell myself all these stupid things. When I'm in college, I'll get out of here and find one of my various dream guys and we can ride off into some cardboard-and-paint sunset that I already have all measured and cut in the back of my mind.

Sometimes, I just dread change. New people, new environments. But, only in some circumstances. It's really hard to explain. The change of New York City sidewalk under my feet is welcome, but, the change of a new place of work when I turn 16 where a new person will tell me what to do scares the shit out of me.

So, I use my age as an excuse to escape these things. I'm the youngest of four kids. I'm 15, now. Getting closer to those scary ages that don't let me weasel out of things.

I love myself.

I think I might be one of the only teens who heard every self confidence building tip, listened, basically ignored them, made my own self confidence building technique, used it, and actually likes them self.

I am overweight and I have acne and dandruff and no problem admitting that. Because, what the hell. What's the point in worrying about people staring at you when everyone gets stared at anyway? Good looking or not, there are going to be eyes on you. Through your whole life.

And, not to sound conceited (even though I am), I'm a funny, smart, pretty girl with good tastes. I don't see why some jerks who don't know the difference between their ass and their elbow should get to decide what I think of myself. My friends love me, my family loves me, and if anyone else wants in on my life, they will have to love me- not despite the fact that I am overweight or anything, but, because of it.

Maybe I'll lose weight. Maybe I'll get braces and whiten my teeth. Maybe my acne will be cured by creams and maybe my dandruff will be destroyed by shampoos.

But, for right now, I am this person in this body. And I love it.

Thanks for reading.

I'm 15.

So, today is my birthday.

I guess I could blog about past birthdays, but, that would be boring.

I could blog about what it's like to be another year older, but, that would be boring.

The party I was going to have, and how only one of my friends is coming. Boring.

I will tell you how I'm celebrating by watching Stephen Colbert on YouTube, listening to Mike Doughty/Soul Coughing songs, and wearing sunglasses indoors.

So, happy birthday to me.

I GIVE UP.

I am officially quitting 100 Blogs in 100 Days. Sorry, you guys. I know the two of you reading will miss me dearly.

I beat out Michael Showalter, and that's good enough for me.

24/100 Blogs in 100 Days

Some of you may be looking at this blog post and saying to yourself 'Julia? Haven't you skipped 2 out of the 100 days already?'

Yes.

'So, why are you still calling it 100 Blogs in 100 Days?'

Because, it's a whole lot catchier than 100 Blogs in 102 Days.

'But, isn't that title a bit more accurate at this point?'

Yes. But, don't you see? It's not catchy at all. 100. The big one oh oh. That's what draws people in.

'But, Julia. Don't only 2 people ever read your blog anyway?'

Yes. Why are you being so mean to me?

'Well, I'm you. So why don't you ask yourself that?'

... You've got a point there. Wow, I make a lot of good points.

'How about this point: you're totally ripping off an idea from Michael Showalter's blog again. Why can't you go two seconds without doing something Showalter related?'

Shut up. He's really cool. You like him, too.

'Of course I do. We've been over that. I'm just the other line of text that you are writing to make it seem as if I am another person, when in reality, I'm you.'

Well, whatever. Have you seen the trailer for that Love Happens movie with Jennifer Aniston?

'Oh yeah! That looks like it would be right up your alley. Cheesy and such, you know?'

Yeah, that's what I was thinking. I might even cry! It would be great.

'Don't you still have to see Julie & Julia while it's still in theaters?'

I'd like to, but, I'm not sure I'll get the chance.

'Oh, well, that blows. Don't you love Meryl Streep?'

Yup. And so do you. You also love staying up till 1:30AM every night/morning and talking to people about child psychology and Harry Potter. Just like me.

'Well, good luck with that. I gotta go.'

Yeah, me too. See you later.

23/100 Blogs in 100 Days

Today, I went to the beach with my family.

The sky was absolutely beautiful while we were packing everything up to go. It was all sorts of shades of pink and purple and blue. I love skies like that.

I was wondering if it looked that way for other people in other places that weren't at the beach with me and the rest of my family.

We were celebrating the three August birthdays we have in our family. I'm one of them. The last one. On August 23.

I got some great gifts from my brother and my sister in law while we were up there. They gave me the first one when we first got there because my nephew was eager to give it to me. He handed me the gift, and I could tell it was a book, and he says "We got this at the book store."

It was so cute. My sister in law sort of laughed and yelled at him and he told me to open it. I loved everything they gave me.

I love my family.

Now, I'm watching the latest episode of Michael & Michael Have Issues (Wednesdays at 10:30 PM, you should all watch) for the third time because my brother hasn't seen it yet.

Can't wait for some sleep. Maybe a shower. Fun day.

22/100 Blogs in 100 Days

This is an elbow.

This is an elbow on crack.

Meet Michael Showalter's elbow.

The elbow of the man I love.

Now I'm talking to my good friend Matt. He's awesome amazing and I love him a lot.

Nothing to blog about today. I will be back with more awesomeness tomorrow.

21/100 Blogs in 100 Days

Have you ever watched the show Seinfeld?

I love this show. It's so perfect. Everything ties together so hilariously.

My sister always gets so angry at George whenever we watch.

I just laugh. I love to hate, and hate to love George. And Jerry, for that matter.

The entire cast is perfectly flawed.

I love this show.



(And I know this is the second time in a row that I have almost missed the cut for 100 Blogs. I'm terribly sorry. I'm gonna get my act together. I promise!)

20/100 Blogs in 100 Days

I just spent precious blogging time fighting with my sister.

I'm sorry, but, today isn't going to be a real blog. I have things to say, but, I can't formulate any real thoughts right now.

I'll blog about what a beautiful day it was tomorrow when I'm not caught up in a night that sucked.

Or, rather, a small portion of the night that really messed with my mood.

I'm not up for it. Sorry.

This is just to keep up appearances for the Blogging Everyday Thing.

19/100 Blogs in 100 Days

Dear Green Day,

Thank you for sucking.

I haven't listened to A Quick One from RnR Circus since sometime last year or something.

I fucking love A Quick One from RnR Circus.

Pete is wearing the white pants. How much better does it get?

Without you, it probably would have taken me a hell of a lot longer to rediscover it.

Thank god for you doing it terribly.

Love,

Your Non Fan,

Julia

Today, I volunteered at the library for a kid's party. It was a lot of work. I was exhausted and starving when I got home. But, it was fun. The kids were cute. I got to bring home cake.

Now, my mom is watching Law & Order and I am trying to think of ways to cheer up my friend Kayla. Also, a new and exciting discovery: you can call Monk (you know, Adrian Monk the OCD detective) Monkey. Isn't that adorable and amazing?

And there is one warning I would just like to put out there. If I get Rick Rolled one more time, I might have to smash every computer in my house until all that's left is a dust that stinks of Rick Astley and technology.

18/100 Blogs in 100 Days

I went to the dentist to get my second and last cavity filled.

Now the entire right side of my face is numb like a motherfucker.

It's a great, great feeling as you can imagine.

I have bit myself twice. It's probably gonna hurt when my lip comes to.

Not much else going on today.

Tomorrow, I am going to be volunteering at the library for a summer reading party.

Something interesting will probably happen.

Tune in then.

17/100 Blogs in 100 Days

I went to Wendy's with my sister and my mom today.

My sister and I fought. It's a usual occurrence.

My mom and I had pleasant, engaging conversation. Fortunately, that too is a usual occurrence.

Ruth (sister) and I were on thin ice before we left, anyway, because of something atrocious that a band she likes did to a band I love and hold near and dear to my heart.

Now, I've never flat out hated Green Day. They are talented boys who obviously have something to offer, or they wouldn't have stuck around so long. But, I've never worshiped them, either. They are sort of mediocre in my book. I like some of their early songs and American Idiot isn't that bad of an album. I like it, in fact.

But, I'm sort of sick of it.

I feel like Billy Joe just keeps on saying the same thing over and over just because he has a microphone.

We heard you the first time, Bill.

So, when I found out that Green Day did a cover of A Quick One (While He's Away), one of my all time favorite creations of my beloved band The Who, I wasn't all that excited.

I heard it and discovered that this feeling was justified.



This song is not the sort of song that bands who are not The Who can pull off. Keith Moon, John Entwistle, Pete Townshend, and Roger Daltrey all really make it their own. It belongs to them. I can forgive people for covering most Who songs. I'll never like the other versions, I don't think, but I can forgive them.

However, there is a list of their songs that are off limits.

A Quick One is one of those songs.

So, Green Day, let's agree that you should stop doing this song live and pissing off Who fans. It hurts all of us, you know?

And Billy Joe, if my memory is correct, I think you've seen Roger naked. I know that must make you feel like you know him pretty well. Well, you don't know him well enough to sing his part of this song. And, if I heart right, you fucked up the lyrics to Pete's part as well.

It really upsets me to hear people do these things to the songs I love. Pete tried to do it solo without Keith, John, and Roger and I nearly cried.

Everyone stop fucking around with the music I love. Goodness.

16/100 Blogs in 100 Days

I found an old journal last night.

It's from the winter of 2006.

I almost cried, reading about myself.

On Christmas, I was actually excited to see my dad. I was excited to see his reaction to a gift I bought him.

I can't remember ever being really excited to see my dad. We don't get along that well, he and I.

I remember that Christmas, though. I got him a crossword book. We did a crossword together. I didn't want to stay much longer after that. I remember staring off into space and wondering how many more hours it would last. He wanted us to sing a carol for my aunt.

I don't care much for her, either.

Other than Christmas, there was a lot in the journal about an old teacher I had a crush on and Hugh Laurie.

It must have been around the first time I watched The Baxter, too, because that is all up in there. It's a great movie, and I still love it to death, but, I was obsessed. All over the place are references to it and how I want to meet a Baxter and junk.

I was and am such a nerd.

It feels odd to look back on a time you don't always remember clearly. The memories are hazy, but, you can still recall most of them.

I can see myself opening that journal and scribbling in it furiously about love and life. As if I knew anything about it in 2006.

I talked a lot about a kid named Ian I used to know. Last time we talked, some time in 8th grade, he said he was bisexual. He's gay. I don't know if he has come out yet, but, he is. I might be more discrete about it if he weren't such an asshole.

When I was writing the journal, I was in love with him, though. I don't know why. Looking back, he really wasn't all that great.

I think I liked him so much because he was a city boy from Philly. I wanted to be a city girl so badly. I still do.

I should start keeping a handwritten journal again. Even though it can be heartbreaking, it's nice to have glimpses into who you used to be that aren't blurred by who you are now.

15/100 Blogs in 100 Days

I'm sick of finding reminders of her strewn around my day to day life.

I'm tired of having to remember the good and the bad and the warnings that she was bad for me that I ignored.

I wish I could just paint over that part of my life with paint and pens and make sure that she never showed up in the first place.

But, I can't. She's a part of my history now and I can't erase that.

At least I can say with honesty that I don't care about her anymore. I don't care enough to stay up with her until 4AM just because she wants to. I don't care enough to worry when she stops eating just so people will notice. I don't even care enough to fight with her anymore.

I thought that our "friendship" would last. I genuinely did. It seemed at the time like we had everything in common.

But, all we had in common was a need for attention. I needed it just as badly when I met her. I changed who I was. I told her I was insecure and unsure about everything, just like she told me the same thing. We cried together. But, mine were crocodile tears. I don't hate my body, I don't hate myself. And from now on, I won't say it out loud anymore. I'll leave that to her.

Because she is the one who needs to use people. She is the one who only really talks to people who are thousands of miles away.

One of these days, she might realize what really matters. Or she'll go through life sucking the life out of others.

I got out with some left in me, and now I'm actually living a life. I'm not the chalk outline of a human being I was when I was with her.

Now, I have friends who I really love to be with and talk to. Friends I have things in common with. Friends who make me laugh. Next time a "friend" starts making me feel like I have to be miserable, I'm dropping them before I waste three years on them.

I deserve better. So does everybody else.

14/100 Blogs in 100 Days

Sometimes, all you need is a long walk and a long talk to work something out with someone.

Sometimes, it takes a little more than that.

I'm glad for the days I can spend talking to people I like to talk to, or at least talking about things I like to talk about.

I'm glad for days like this, when there is no reason to cry. No reason to be upset.

I'm glad for my friends and glad for my family (most days.)

The world needs more moments that remind us what's important and what luck really is.

I sound like a sap, but, I don't care. You oughtta know it's true.

13/100 Blogs in 100 Days

I don't mind not getting comments from people.

What is this but a diary, after all. I've had a friend comment on my diary and I didn't like that very much. Why are comments so different?

I love comments here. Probably because I tailor my words to the mind of my readers. I don't necessarily just say what I know you want to hear, but, I definitely restrict myself in places I wouldn't in a diary.

Your comments are a gift and a privilege, not something to be demanded.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. It applies to every website I post on.

So, don't feel like you have to comment just because you're my friend or because you want to make me feel better. Comment when you like what I write or have something to say. That's what comments are for, right?

I love you guys for reading. Thank you all so much.

12/100 Blogs in 100 Days

I Spend Too Much Time On YouTube Edition:


Sandwich Commandements - Michael Showalter


Wilco Cover - I Am Trying To Break Your Heart


Porcupine Racetrack


Road Trip - sweetafton23


Microphone - Coconut Records

This might seem like I'm not blogging, but, it's not a cop out. I promise.

Reasons Why This Is Not A Cop Out:
1. I love sandwiches and Mike Showalter (see banner for this blog.)
2. I like Wilco and that cover of a Wilco song. There I blogged about it. Meh.
3. Porcupine Racetracik is hilarious and I love Michael Showalter.
4 & 5. Road Trip is a good song and so is Microphone.

I know I'm a lazy son of a bitch, but, whatever. I've been watching House nonstop for the past few days. That's all that's really on my mind. Would you rather I rambled more about doctors having thousands of outfits?

11/100 Blogs in 100 Days

Things that are awesome about today:

1. I walked around the lake I live at to get some pizza with my brother and my sister.

John was really nice about walking back home up the hill by our house. I was having a hard time and he waited for me, made me laugh.

2. Played Rock Band with John and did a pretty good job on the mic.

3. Went with my mom to drop my sister off at work and we bought Tim & Eric Awesome Show Great Job Season 3.

Uncle Bob Odekirk is on this season! I love the Rascals episode.

4. On the way home, a dickhead car driver made us all laugh.

He flipped us off when we yelled at him after he passed us and ended up right next to us for a few minutes. When he did actually get to drive away, he yelled at me and mom mom to lose some weight.

Made us all laugh. We celebrated with

5. donuts and milkshakes/smoothies.

All in all, today was good.

10/100 Blogs in 100 Days

I love Rawk Bawnd. Why am I using Ws? I have no idea.

My latest art that I have been working hard to sharpen is playing guitar (on Rock Band) and singing the song at the same time. I'm not that bad at it, if it's the right song. It's actually sort of fun.

I do have problems with Rock Band, though.

Here is an open letter to whatever fuckheads designed the drum controller:

Dear Fuckheads,
Have you ever watched a person drum on a real drumset? On the game you specifically designed the controller for, there are some songs by The Who. Have you ever seen Keith Moon, drummer for The Who, actually drum? He is a maniac. And not just for destroying the drumkit after the set is through, but, for the way he plays throughout the set itself.

So, what do you think happens when someone has to play, oh, let's say Amazing Journey by The
Who. They have to wail on that drumset pretty damn hard and fast to hit all the right notes, wouldn't you say? In order to keep up with Moon the Loon, one has to have the skillset to achieve it.

But, instead of considering Keith Moon (and other fast, hard drummers featured on your game) you designed a dinky, shitty little drum controller that can't withold being hit by sticks. Which, may I just point out, is what you were supposed to be making: Something someone hits with a pair of wooden sticks.

In my opinion, there is no defense for making something so shitty that we have had to replace ours twice already.

Kindly pull your heads out of your asses.

Rock Band Enthusiast (but maybe not for long),
Julia Bydulia

Thanks for reading, all. Love and kisses. :*

9/100 Blogs in 100 Days

I love that every doctor on House MD wears the snazziest clothes every day. None of them ever have an off day when they wear the wrong shoes or an ugly tie.

Way to make it obvious we're watching a television show, guys.

At least I love the clothes they wear. Cameron and Cuddy's wardrobes are siiiick.

It's just a little ridiculous. I mean, Cuddy has a pinstriped labcoat that she wears in one episode. After that episode, I don't think you ever see it again. They almost never repeat clothes except in Greg's wardrobe.

Maybe Wilson or Chase wears the same tie twice or something, but, come on. I know they are living on a doctor's salary, but, do they really by new clothes for every day of the week.

Not that it bothers me. On House MD, they can wear whatever the fuck they want. Because it's my favorite show. And that, my friends, is all that matters.

Here's a fun little game: watch anything- an interview or a clip of A Bit of Fry and Laurie- in which Hugh Laurie talks with his English accent, then watch House MD. It's fascinating.

8/100 Blogs in 100 Days

Today's Topic: Kristen Stewart Is A Horrible Role Model

What a surprise, right?

So far, I have heard stories (and seen the photographic proof) of her smoking pot and drinking. She is 19 years old. Last time I checked, that's underage.

She has so many little tween girls looking up to her because she plays Bella Swan- which is bad enough, mind you- and now she thinks it's cool to show them herself drinking and smoking pot? These girls are young and impressionable. I'm not saying that all of them are stupid enough to do things just because she does. But, come on. Some of them are stupid enough to buy a perfume for around $50 bucks to try to smell like Bella! They want to smell like a fictional girl who attracts vampires. What a genius strategy.

I know I'm not the first person to say any of this, but, it still pisses me off, so I'm saying it. What the hell is wrong with Kristen Stewart? And it's not as if she doesn't let it affect her. I've been saying since the first Twilight movie came out that she looks stoned in every interview she does. So, how long has this been going on?

Since her main role is to portray a girl in an abusive relationship (a relationship that is now the model for tween girls everywhere) who stays there and likes it, I think that outside of the movies she should at least make an attempt to tell girls to do the right thing. Don't do drugs and drink when you're 19, little girlies.

Why are girls like this our societies role models?

Now, Paige Railstone. Have you heard of her? She is the girl that people should be paying attention to. She's no angel, but, at least she's got talent. Unlike some people, who only have a talent for getting caught rolling joints.