I'm a bad seed.

I feel tired. Every piece of me is heavy and I am simply exhausted.

Still, I feel good too. I am torn two ways. The first way is kind of sucky and the second way is liberating. Some moments, I feel fat and odd and unworthy of a lot of things. Then others, I just feel free of everything- my body and my life- and I am just a brain and a heart.

I like being so free of everything, but, once I come back I am swallowed by my body and I remember why none of my daydreams will ever come true. My stomach.

There are boys that run around in my mind. I like them in suits. I like them in jeans. I like them quiet or loud. Funny and lovable. I like to be obsessed with boys and to devote myself to them until the next one comes along.

It doesn't hurt anyone, either. Because all they are is pixels and ink. They might as well be imaginary.

The real ones haven't made that sort of impression on me. Not yet.

I'm still waiting to see which real life boy will steal my heart and never return it. It's going to be interesting when it happens, that much is for sure. I hope it doesn't hurt too bad.