Three Letters

This is three part a letter I am writing to three different people. I'm not sure if everyone will understand it, but, I've got a weight on my chest that I want to alleviate.

PART I

I never thought that I understood you. I never claimed to, and now I probably never will. There is an age difference between us that I know is neither of our faults. But, I tried talking to you. I thought you were funny and talented. I liked listening to you and watching you. And after all of the following I did, you finally started looking at me and talking to me. It made me feel amazing.

I keep on trying to tell myself again and again and again that you were confused when you responded to me that afternoon. All I asked was 'How are you?' We had been over it over and over, but, you still wrote back and told me to stop. You cut my voice into pieces. I guess I've stopped now. I hope you're happy. And I mean it. I hope you're very happy now that you took that part of my voice away. I'll use the rest of it to talk to all of the other people who matter to me and who really care, rather than you, who I threw my words away on.

PART II

I've been thinking about you a lot. What a surprise, right? In the car on the way to school, I think about you like I used to. When will I get to talk to you? What will I talk to you about? I prepare the words and line them up in single file in my mind, that way they won't run out at the vital time.

I was just thinking about you today, actually. Thinking about how I always forgive you, even for the things that I maybe shouldn't. I forgive you for the things that no one else would. People tell me stories that I never want to hear, but, after they are spoken, I can't erase them from my memory. For a few days, they linger in my mind when we talk, but, then I forget. It's easy to forget when you make me laugh and when you talk about music and when you scroll across those pages on the net.

I'm going to keep on forgiving you. Probably for the next three years. We'll see how it goes for both of us, and I hope I'm on the right side.

PART III

I'm worried now that I might have worn out my welcome into your life a bit too soon. What if you are tired of me already? I feel uneasy just thinking about it. I know that I come on strong and it has happened before that people just can't stick around longer than those first few weeks.

What if you are tired of me already?

I always mean what I say...except when I don't...but, I mean it when I say to you (albeit anonymous on your part, though, if you are reading this you might know this is to you) that I love you and that I admire you and that when I am a junior, I hope I can be like you and make the decisions you can make.