I got a new Mountain Goats CD yesterday...

In the holding tank I built for myself it's feeding time
And I start to feel afraid 'cause I'm the last one left in line
The endless spring of summer storms that led me today
Began one afternoon with you long ago and faraway
And someone leads the beast in on its chain
But I know you're thinking of me 'cause it's just about to rain
So I wont be afraid of anything ever again

In the cell that holds my body back the door swings wide
And I feel like someone's lost child as the guards lead me outside
And if the clouds are gathering, it's just to point the way
To an afternoon I spent with you when it rained all day
And someone leads the beast in on its chain
But I know you're thinking of me 'cause it's just about to rain
So I wont be afraid of anything ever again

Smooshed

If I were a hipster who wore skinny jeans and liked to talk about bands with names that played with verbs and nouns, I would write this blog post about how we're all snowflakes. Sometimes, some of us melt before we even hit the ground. Other times, we collide.

If I were a snowflake, I wouldn't be able to write this blog post at all. I would be caught in a cloud somewhere, or maybe on the side of some abandoned street. I would be cold and small and smooshed together with a thousand others just like me. Or maybe I would be a puddle.

Lately, I've been thinking a lot. I like to think that I am a good person. I like to think that I know when to do the right thing, when to say the right thing. I know I make mistakes, but doesn't everyone?

Lately, I've been thinking about someone. They are stuck in my head. They are making me worry. They are making me want to take things back or call Superman to fly around the world and put everything in reverse until I am sitting here on this couch I am on right now, and I am not making the decisions that have landed me here.

No, I don't think I want to talk about it. I hope it just passes and I can forget about it. Forget like we forget about the snowflakes once spring says her hellos.

Lip Gloss

Today was formal Friday.

I don't think I was dressed up enough.

Elliott told me that I look better without makeup.

That boosted my confidence.

Sometimes I get nervous about how I dress and look.

Comments like that make me less nervous.

I don't like lip gloss.

I like Kiri (Like Whoa).

I like eating peanut butter and drinking cream soda.

I'm on the verge of taking a nap at the moment.

Today was a 2 hour delay at school.

Sleeping in an extra 2 hours was a nice surprise.

My New Year's Was Kickass

I went to see The Titans do a 3 movie special, which was hilarious. Then I went back to the most kickass hotel I have ever stayed in and slept. Sounds great, right? My only regret is that I never got those fucking awesome glasses that say 2010.

The next day, when I got home I went to my friend Lawren’s late birthday party. I had so much fun. We played Apples to Apples. I won 3 green cards. Feel free to praise me for being absolutely awesome.

Happy New Year and good luck on 2010 not sucking. I don't think my year will, but then again I never do. I'm always an optimist in January. I can't vouch for the other 11 months.

Tank Top

Maybe I like the way I look in a tank top.

I would never wear one to school or anything. My boobs would bust out of it like nobody's business. But, maybe I like to lounge around my house in a tank top and stupid little short short pajama shorts that came in a pack with my pajama pants.

Maybe it's because I have stretch marks but I still like my body.

I had problems with myself for a really long time, but this year especially has made me realize that I like me for me and I don't want to change that.

I Am Lazy

I have a new phone.

I am going to the movies with my brother and Kiri today.

Nothing else exciting to report.

Maybe I'll actually put some thought into a blog post tomorrow or sometimes this week.

Sorry about ignoring this for so long.

The Fair

The ferris wheel was huge. I've always loved to watch which way the lights travel on the big ferris wheel.

It was the kind of day that I imagine songwriters write songs about. I ran into people I knew, I discovered that I actually really like hanging out with a certain person I was hanging out with (HUNTER), there was drama between my sister and I.

The first thing Hunter made me do was ride The Zipper. I promised him I would do it when I told him I would go to the fair. It was... crazy. To say the least. That ride is rusty and scary and totally insane. I can't believe I rode it. But, if he is at the fair today, I am probably going to do it again.

Fried food was thick in the air. That's one of my favorite parts. As soon as you walk in, the food stands are there, making french fries and funnel cakes, and fried Oreos. I have never had a fried Oreo, but, I might get one in honor of a running thing I have with my friend Kayla. (She lives in California, you probably wouldn't know her.)

There was an Elvis impersonator. I love the performers they have at the fair. I don't know why, but, they make me giggle. I especially love it when they talk to the audience. They are so excited, you can tell, and the audience eats it up.

Kiri is going to be at the fair today, so I am going again. I don't get to talk to her during school much, so I'm excited to see her.

Wish me luck! Hopefully I don't die on The Zipper...

THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT MY LIFE

1. Beatles Rock Band today. Very very cool. Too cool to describe, true story.

2. I love this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pGs_fa9dG0M

3. I am writing a novel in a month and I think I might actually finish.

4. I left my algebra binder in school today and I am kicking myself pretty damn hard over it. FML.

5. I love you, bloggity blogs. Sorry I never write.

Revelations and School

Revelations made today:

Jason Segel was once on an episode of CSI: Original Flavor and he walks into a room the same exact way no matter what character he is playing.

I care about my friends more than myself sometimes, and I care about myself more than anything other times. I'm dying to quench my own thirst for violence toward this person but I don't want to regress to the girl I was then.

I love people. And I keep on imagining that they love me, but, I'm not sure that they feel what I feel and that weirds me out. I wish there was a way to know!


So, school has been back in session.

Hunter and I have chorus together.

:)

Kiri and I do not.

:(

Things could be a lot worse. I have been having a pretty great time in school lately. It feels good to be back around the people I was curious about/missing for the past three months.

It feels like no time has passed at all, now. It feels like that three month summer was just a weekend.

Glass Houses

Picture a house.

The house is placed at the top of a hill, away from the rest of the homes in the area. The wall facing out is mostly glass, a lot of windows that frame a beautiful view of the outside world.

You live in this house.

In the world, there are two kinds of people. (I love this sort of metaphor.) One kind of person might not be able to live in a house like this. They would feel like the whole world was looking in on them, watching. Another kind of person would feel relaxed and at home, enjoying the view.

Two kinds of people, plain and simple.

Which kind of person are you, anonymous reader/friends who read my blog?

There are a few things I would like to say...

I've been thinking about it a lot lately, and there are a few things about myself that I would like to say.

I use my age as an excuse.

I use it as a reason why I don't need/have a boyfriend. I use it as a reason why I don't have a job. Things that are reasonable, but, they are excuses. I am crazy about men forty and over and I tell myself again and again, like a mantra that it's ok not to have any affection returned to me. For various reasons.

And it is ok!

No, don't get me wrong. I don't lie. And when I say that I am ok with not having guys romantically interested or involved with me, I am ok with it. I don't cry myself to sleep over it.

But, still. I tell myself all these stupid things. When I'm in college, I'll get out of here and find one of my various dream guys and we can ride off into some cardboard-and-paint sunset that I already have all measured and cut in the back of my mind.

Sometimes, I just dread change. New people, new environments. But, only in some circumstances. It's really hard to explain. The change of New York City sidewalk under my feet is welcome, but, the change of a new place of work when I turn 16 where a new person will tell me what to do scares the shit out of me.

So, I use my age as an excuse to escape these things. I'm the youngest of four kids. I'm 15, now. Getting closer to those scary ages that don't let me weasel out of things.

I love myself.

I think I might be one of the only teens who heard every self confidence building tip, listened, basically ignored them, made my own self confidence building technique, used it, and actually likes them self.

I am overweight and I have acne and dandruff and no problem admitting that. Because, what the hell. What's the point in worrying about people staring at you when everyone gets stared at anyway? Good looking or not, there are going to be eyes on you. Through your whole life.

And, not to sound conceited (even though I am), I'm a funny, smart, pretty girl with good tastes. I don't see why some jerks who don't know the difference between their ass and their elbow should get to decide what I think of myself. My friends love me, my family loves me, and if anyone else wants in on my life, they will have to love me- not despite the fact that I am overweight or anything, but, because of it.

Maybe I'll lose weight. Maybe I'll get braces and whiten my teeth. Maybe my acne will be cured by creams and maybe my dandruff will be destroyed by shampoos.

But, for right now, I am this person in this body. And I love it.

Thanks for reading.

I'm 15.

So, today is my birthday.

I guess I could blog about past birthdays, but, that would be boring.

I could blog about what it's like to be another year older, but, that would be boring.

The party I was going to have, and how only one of my friends is coming. Boring.

I will tell you how I'm celebrating by watching Stephen Colbert on YouTube, listening to Mike Doughty/Soul Coughing songs, and wearing sunglasses indoors.

So, happy birthday to me.

I GIVE UP.

I am officially quitting 100 Blogs in 100 Days. Sorry, you guys. I know the two of you reading will miss me dearly.

I beat out Michael Showalter, and that's good enough for me.

24/100 Blogs in 100 Days

Some of you may be looking at this blog post and saying to yourself 'Julia? Haven't you skipped 2 out of the 100 days already?'

Yes.

'So, why are you still calling it 100 Blogs in 100 Days?'

Because, it's a whole lot catchier than 100 Blogs in 102 Days.

'But, isn't that title a bit more accurate at this point?'

Yes. But, don't you see? It's not catchy at all. 100. The big one oh oh. That's what draws people in.

'But, Julia. Don't only 2 people ever read your blog anyway?'

Yes. Why are you being so mean to me?

'Well, I'm you. So why don't you ask yourself that?'

... You've got a point there. Wow, I make a lot of good points.

'How about this point: you're totally ripping off an idea from Michael Showalter's blog again. Why can't you go two seconds without doing something Showalter related?'

Shut up. He's really cool. You like him, too.

'Of course I do. We've been over that. I'm just the other line of text that you are writing to make it seem as if I am another person, when in reality, I'm you.'

Well, whatever. Have you seen the trailer for that Love Happens movie with Jennifer Aniston?

'Oh yeah! That looks like it would be right up your alley. Cheesy and such, you know?'

Yeah, that's what I was thinking. I might even cry! It would be great.

'Don't you still have to see Julie & Julia while it's still in theaters?'

I'd like to, but, I'm not sure I'll get the chance.

'Oh, well, that blows. Don't you love Meryl Streep?'

Yup. And so do you. You also love staying up till 1:30AM every night/morning and talking to people about child psychology and Harry Potter. Just like me.

'Well, good luck with that. I gotta go.'

Yeah, me too. See you later.

23/100 Blogs in 100 Days

Today, I went to the beach with my family.

The sky was absolutely beautiful while we were packing everything up to go. It was all sorts of shades of pink and purple and blue. I love skies like that.

I was wondering if it looked that way for other people in other places that weren't at the beach with me and the rest of my family.

We were celebrating the three August birthdays we have in our family. I'm one of them. The last one. On August 23.

I got some great gifts from my brother and my sister in law while we were up there. They gave me the first one when we first got there because my nephew was eager to give it to me. He handed me the gift, and I could tell it was a book, and he says "We got this at the book store."

It was so cute. My sister in law sort of laughed and yelled at him and he told me to open it. I loved everything they gave me.

I love my family.

Now, I'm watching the latest episode of Michael & Michael Have Issues (Wednesdays at 10:30 PM, you should all watch) for the third time because my brother hasn't seen it yet.

Can't wait for some sleep. Maybe a shower. Fun day.