No Security

When I leave the house, whether it be to go to school, to go to a friends house, or to go out, I always think about my clothes. I wear a jacket or a sweater, or I layer my shirts, I wear bracelets, I wear shoes that I like and I finagle my hair into something manageable.

When I get home, I take off the bracelets, and the jacket or the sweater, and the shoes and I let my hair go crazy insane. I do that because I am completely at ease around my family and in my house.

I want to find a person outside of my family that I can take off my bracelets and my jacket around.

I felt that way when I was in the play. I would strip of that jacket and throw it off the stage and goof off and dance around without feeling awkward and stupid at all, though I'm sure I looked like the epitome of both.

I haven't really felt that way outside of my house since the play. Wearing my tshirt for the play today reminded me of all of that.

I used to get changed in the chorus room. That's in front of the entire cast and a few parents. I was so comfortable in my own skin around those guys.

I miss it a lot.

I'm going bowling with a friend from the play on Saturday. That I am excited about. Maybe I'll take off my jacket. Maybe I won't wear one at all.